I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize