Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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