I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
