I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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