Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
