Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
