I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
