I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
