I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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