Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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