I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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