I want to have your abortion
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i think i just lost a toe
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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