pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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