i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
