YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He felt like a one man threesome
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
