the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
