i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
