I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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