I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
