Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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