I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
