ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
