this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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