My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
