Cold hands, warm shart.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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