whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
