Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
operation harelip BJ is a go
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I am mentally ready for anal.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
