I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
