how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
