Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
