WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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