she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
