the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
