I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
