you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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