wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
