Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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