My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
