I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
