Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize
