i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
