God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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