Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's blow job season.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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