he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize