Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
