I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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