So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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