Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
