Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
