Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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