Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
