He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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