I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
