At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
