ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
