A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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