After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
