I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
zippers are such a cool invention
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
