I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
