Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
