are you still at the devil's house?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
