Christians are straight up FREAKS
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
