So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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