I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
