Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
