Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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