just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This is the high leading the old right now
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
