Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
